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Anger is an emotion that every
human being experiences. And unfortunately, sometimes we experience it more
often than not. To help understand yourself and loved ones better, it is
useful to understand the basics of anger.
There are 3
main reasons that anger occurs:
1. Person feels
they have no control in a situation.
2. Person feels
they have been wronged by someone else.
3. Person feels
they did not get what they wanted.
From these 3 main reasons multiple other feelings
develop that coincide and stem from anger. Some of these
are resentment, hate, revenge, and depression. Notice if you have been
feeling anger in your life recently. It is easy to diffuse and heal anger by
first acknowledging its source. Which of the 3 reasons, or combination of
reasons, does your anger stem from? If you feel you have no control in a
certain situation, ask yourself what you can do to get your power and
control back. If that means quitting your job or leaving a relationship to
get control back, that may be something you have to accept.
If you feel you have been wronged
by someone, especially a significant other, you need to start healing before
resentment and hate replace the anger. Healing yourself is always best
instead of relying on the other to change and/or heal you. If you can
receive closure to the anger, that is the best route and should be discussed
with the one who wronged you. Remember, this is closure to the anger, not
necessarily the relationship. If the person is unwilling to help or
recognize the problem, it may be helpful to assess the healthiness of the
relationship.
And finally, if you have not
gotten what you wanted...well, that is a tough one. My theory is that people
should always reach for the stars and go after what they want with as much
enthusiasm as they can muster up. But as we all know, having a fantasy of
getting what you want and then being let down can be very disturbing and
disappointing, and often causes anger. The best solution when this happens
is to simply affirm that you deserved whatever it was even though you did
not get it and to revaluate and see if you could ask for it or obtain what
you want in a different manner. Sometimes letting go of what you want is the
best course of action, or at least focusing your attention on some other
goal.
If someone you love is angry with
you or in general about life you can break down their anger into one of the
three reasons above. This will help you understand where the person is
coming from so you may assist them instead of adding fuel to the flames.
Note: Not everyone will be receptive to your offer of help when they are
angry. People need to go through the anger to get it out of them sometimes.
Other times, they like holding on to the anger because it gets them
attention they otherwise feel they might not receive. So if you reach out to
an angry loved one and they snap at you...pull back and give them their
space. Extend words that you will be there for them, and then let nature
take its course. Everyone deals with anger differently, so try to remember
that how you might feel in a similar situation is not how your partner or
friend will feel. You don't need to understand how they feel, just
understand that how they feel is just as important to them as how you feel
is important to you.
There is no way to avoid any of
these scenarios or reasons in life. Each and every person will experience
anger in all of these ways. Being aware of why you or someone else is angry
is the first step in letting the anger go.
©
2002 MoonAngel's Web
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